The Priceless Woman...

BY: Julia M. Faulkner


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Biblical teachings on being a godly, virtuous woman, wife, and mother who strives to have a godly home


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Introduction
Not long ago I received a piece of email from a sister in the Lord who had read a study I did on wifely submission. She said that she was about to begin teaching a Bible study on that very subject but was struggling as to how to teach the concept of submission to women who had little or no understanding of what submission really involves. I realized then that the principals of submission that we find in God's word are so often taken out of context, misunderstood, or misapplied. Women need a better knowledge of how to adorn their spirits, what submission really is, and what their role is in the home. If they are taught clearly what God's word says, then they can begin to put those principals into action to become not only a hearer, but a doer of the Word. Imagine the dramatic change in homes across this land if folks would but heed godly principals!

Oft times we read something in the Bible and think, "Hmmm. . . that's really good! Well, if that's what God wants, then that's what I'll do." But then we don't study it out any further and nothing happens. If we are to understand God's will we must study, study, study! Compare scripture to scripture so that you may know the whole counsel of God on a matter! Search out the scriptures to find out everything God has to say. A Strong's Concordance is helpful in this method as you can do a word search on particular words and phrases.

Another helpful way I have found in better understanding a particular passage is to use a Webster's Dictionary (the older the better!) along with my Strong's Concordance. Many times I can get a better grasp or a clearer understanding of a verse or a concept by knowing what certain words mean. By knowing the definition of a word, you can also better know the context of a verse. So often one word has many meanings. By comparing scripture with scripture, and also knowing what a particular word means, God's word really comes alive to us and it is easier to know how to apply it to your life.

Some time ago God started dealing with me about a "meek and quiet spirit". I knew the passage well, but since I did not really know what that meant, it was impossible for me to put that principal into action. I began to study what these words mean and it was such an eye-opener as I began to dig deeper in God's word. Now that I have a better knowledge of what meek means, I can know how to apply it in my life. That led to studying more about the adorning of a woman's spirit, which I have been able to share with several other women. It is so amazing that women see what God wants from reading His word, but that no one has ever shown them how to apply it to their lives or exactly what it means! It is never enough to just read God's word, we must study it and become a doer!

I received such a blessing from teaching other women about the proper adorning that God intends for them. It was disappointing when the study was over but as I was studying my Bible one evening the Lord opened another door concerning the wise woman. This study booklet will be those two studies together, plus much more. I have much running through my mind right now, not to mention all of the notes I have written down. It seems like I'll never get it done but have begun to write down what the Lord has shown me and I am very excited to be sharing it with you.

Throughout the study you will find definitions for many, many words. I hope that after you have read and studied this book and compared it to God's word that you too will have a better understanding of what a godly woman is and how to have a good home. Most words you see underlined will be defined in this study booklet or are key words to this study.

God says that we are to love not in word but in deed and truth (1 John 3:18). If you truly love your home, your husband, and your children then I pray that you will not only confess it to them with your mouth, but that you will openly show it by applying the principals we find in the Bible. If you know that your home is not all that it could be, and that you need some improvement too, please prayerfully consider what it is that needs changing and ask the Lord to help you make these changes. Maybe it's your attitude that needs an adjustment!

If you are not yet married, I pray that this little book will prepare you for the most fulfilling role in the world! So many are not willing to put forth the effort necessary for a good marriage and home. Oft times it is due to pride and a selfish heart that marriages and homes fail. It is so important that we begin equipping our young women for marriage with the knowledge of God's will.


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Let the Lord Build Your Home
Psalm 127:1 A Song of degrees for Solomon. Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

I believe that when a home is in ruins it is because somebody did not allow the Lord to build it for them. Psalm 127 has always been one of my favorite passages in God's word. I used to call it my theme-passage! However, I was always perplexed by verse one because I didn't quite understand how the Lord could build your house for you. Like many people, I was always of a mind that we are self-reliant and only need the Lord when we're in trouble. In fact, this verse really almost made me feel rebellious. I think that at that time I wanted things done the way I thought that they should be done. I didn't understand about following God's will and I was trying to lean on my own wisdom, understanding, and desires. However, from God's word I have learned that this path only leads to destruction. Proverbs 14:12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

As I've grown in the Lord, I have come to see that His way is always best. In the long run it saves time and heartache. As the motto goes: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! It is always easier to do things the right way the first time than to have to go back and fix it!


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How Not To Build A Home
When folks follow the way that seems right to them, the destruction it leaves is at the least a home over grown by weeds. However, it can also lead to a broken home. The following verses clearly show us why homes often fail:

Proverbs 24:30 I went by the field of the slothful, and by the vineyard of the man void of understanding; 31: And, lo, it was all grown over with thorns, and nettles had covered the face thereof, and the stone wall thereof was broken down.

Let us consider that for women our field and our vineyard is our home!

The person who is void (empty, lack, marked by absence) of understanding is one who does not know God's will nor His ways. In other words, this person is either not born again and thus cannot know God's will; is new in Christ and is still a babe; does not study God's word to find His will for her life. She also may not have a good example to follow. No one has ever shown her or taught her about God's will.

Certainly you cannot let the Lord build your home if you don't know His will. For the woman who lacks understanding, her main problem is that she is ignorant (unaware, uninformed) on how to let the Lord build her home.

Now, I do not want to down-play the seriousness concerning the woman who lacks understanding but in my heart I believe that the woman who is slothful has a much more serious problem. A person who is slothful is inclined to sloth. That is, to have a disinclination (be in a state of unwillingness) to action or labour. In other words, the slothful is not willing to labour or act on the understanding that God has given her. She is just not willing to put forth the effort necessary to follow the principals for a good, godly home. She probably knows and even understands what it is the God says she must do, though she has a aversion to exertion (effort).

Webster's dictionary says this of effort: "implies the calling up or directing of energy by the conscious will; exertion may describe the bringing into effect of any power of mind or body or it may suggest laborious and exhausting effort". From these descriptions of effort, it is obvious that the slothful woman knows what she has to do but she avoids any serious attempts at building a good marriage and home because she is inclined to avoid the effort necessary to do so. Is it no wonder why her home is overgrown and broken down?

I am sure that you sisters agree with me that being a wife and mother and keeper at home is definitely laborious, exhausting, and toilsome! It does take an effort on our part to make a nice home for our families, to raise and train up our children, to be a helpmeet to our husbands, and to be the godly woman the Lord wants us to be.

I believe that it is very easy to fall into slothfulness because being a woman can be tiresome. That is why you must always lean on and gain your strength from Him! II Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. When you feel weak and cannot bear another day of bearing the burden of being a wife, mother, woman that is when you can be your strongest because it is His perfect strength you need!

Do you recall in Proverbs 31 what God says the virtuous woman is clothed in? Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. (Proverbs 31:25). Do you ever wonder about her strength? Where does it come from?

Notice that verse 30 goes on to say Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:25). She who fears the Lord has great reverence of Him. That is to say that she shows honour or respect to Him. What in the world does that have to do with strength though?

Well, Webster's Dictionary says of revere: to show devotion and honour to someone. An interesting side note is that revere implies deference and tenderness of feelings towards someone. What a lovely thought this is when you consider that deference to someone else is respectful regard for another's wishes! The root for deference is of course defer, which is to refer for decision.

The virtuous woman's strength comes, I believe, from her fear of the Lord. She is devoted to Him and has tender feelings to Him. She knows what His wishes are for her in regards to her role in marriage and often refers to Him in life's daily decisions. She leans on Him and trusts Him to hold her up and see her through each day so that she does not become slothful. In doing so, she is honouring God. What a perfect, Biblical example God has shown us through His word! Such strength can only come from the Lord.

Before we move on to talk about what understanding is, notice one more thing about Proverbs 31:30. Once more it says: Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. This brought to my mind Proverbs 9:10 (a) The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom. The time in her life when she began to fear the Lord was the day she gained wisdom. Keep that in mind as we move on to talk more about wisdom.


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What is Understanding and Where Does It Come From?
Is being slothful any worse than being void of understanding? In all reality, no it's not since the end of both is destruction. What we have seen is that the slothful is not willing to put forth the effort necessary to do God's will and she who is void of understanding is ignorant, or unaware, of God's will. Let's talk more about understanding now.

Strong's Concordance says that understanding has to do with the will or intellect, wisdom. (We will talk more on wisdom later in the study). The Webster's dictionary is a little more in depth on the subject. Specifically it says that it is discernment, insight; the power of comprehending; the power to make experience intelligible by applying concepts and categories. Now, if you look at the word understand, it says that it is to grasp the meaning of.

What are we trying to gain from this study? Very simply, we want to understand, comprehend, discern what God's will is for a woman. More specifically, we want to understand why God created woman, for what purpose, and also how she may have a successful home. The woman who has understanding in the area of her womanhood has come to know or recognize mentally why God created her and what is her life's work in both her marriage and her home.

The virtuous woman obviously has a good understanding of the Lord's ways! She knows God's will and applies the concepts she has found in His word in building her home.

Now, you may be asking where this understanding comes from! There are two excellent ways for a born again daughter of the King to understand God's plan for building a home.


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Counsel from God's word
The first is through the reading of the Holy Bible. II Timothy 3:16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: 17: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works. Everything that a Christian needs in this life as far as instruction in daily life can be found in God's word. Verse 17 clearly states that it is given to us so that we can be "thoroughly furnished unto all good works". I hope that you would agree with me that a good, godly home is a good work. If you do agree with that statement, I hope that you would also agree that God has given guidelines in His book to help build that kind of home! Once you do start digging in the Bible, you will see that the Lord has given much instruction to women on how to adorn themselves, on a woman's role, and on building a good home. This has been a very exciting study for me to do and I pray that you too will become excited about learn how to let the Lord build your home.

I Peter 3:18 says: But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.

How can we grow in the knowledge of the Lord? Only through the study of God's word. II Timothy 2:15 Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. If you do not want a home full of thorns and broken down walls, then get in God's word and study, study, study!

A good practice as you study God's word is to pray beforehand and ask Him for wisdom. He has promised to give it to those that ask it of Him with the faith that it will be given to him. James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. Since wisdom is the right use of knowledge according to Webster's Dictionary (1828 version), then in essence you are asking God to help you to rightly use the knowledge you gain through the reading of His word.

I Corinthians 3:1 And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. 2 I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able. If you do not regularly get into God's word you will never grow to be a mature Christian. It is very difficult to understand the spiritual when you are carnally minded. In my humble opinion, many women reject God's will and way for them because they are carnally minded. Who are the carnally minded? Those who are more concerned with worldly, temporal things instead of the godly and spiritual.

What many Christians do not realize is that they will be spiritually starved if they do not have a regular time of study of God's word. Matthew 4:4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. Just as we cannot live without proper nourishment for our bodies, nor can we survive in this world without proper spiritual nourishment! You can get three square meals a day, but you will never be completely satisfied without a feeding from God's precious word. Your soul will be longing for nourishment, too!

There have been many days when I have neglected my personal Bible study time with the Lord. The consequence of this was that there was a big emptiness, a void, that day, and sometimes even the next! We must be fed daily from the word of God.


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Counsel Of A Godly and Aged Women
Now, I hope that you would agree with me that we have seen that God's word should be our final authority in all matters. However, that does not mean that we cannot go to others for spiritual counsel. Much is written in the book of Proverbs about seeking godly counsel in matters. One of my favorites is Proverbs 24:6 For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war: and in multitude of counselors there is safety. But we must always make sure that the counsel we receive does not violate anything in God's word, and this brings up another point I would like to make.

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Sisters, whatever counsel we receive of others we must always remember that we have a head over us. That is, our husbands. I believe that God teaches us that wives are under the authority and protection of their husbands, and that the wives are to obey only their husbands and God's word. Just because we may seek counsel on a matter does not mean that we are bound by what that person tells us. Sometimes the counsel we receive can cause rebellion, strife, and contention in a marriage. So, please be very careful when seeking counsel, even from the aged and the wise.

Now, having established that, let's move on to the next source of wisdom: the aged women. Titus 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Who is the aged woman? Does have a lot to do with her age? I believe that an aged woman could be one who has been saved for several years, or one who has been married for several years, with children, and has established her own godly home and who has much experience in matters concerning the home. This woman is the one who possesses the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding that would be helpful in showing the younger how to build a home. She is to be a teacher of good things such as being sober, how to love your husband and children, how to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, obedient to one's own husband.

However, before we continue on, let me say that an aged woman must meet some qualifications other than just being a teacher of good things.. Specifically her behavior must be that which is suitable to holiness. She is not to be a false accuser, nor given to much wine. Maybe like a Sara who obeyed her husband and called him lord. How can a woman teach good things when her own life doesn't resemble anything close to godliness? Not all aged women are godly, nor do they live their lives as such. Maybe she can teach some practical things about keeping house or child-rearing, but she must be able to teach something of a godly, virtuous character also.

God just told us that all of these things are good, so why is obedience to one's husband always a stumbling block for so many women? It is because they have been deceived by the world's teaching! The world's ways can have such an impact on our homes, and the world says that a woman who is submissive and obedient to her husband is nothing but a door mat. If more young women had an aged woman teaching her the importance of obedience to her husband, then I believe many homes would be much more peaceful! Again, looking back to God's word, we see that obedience to one's own husband is a good thing! I praise God for the aged, godly woman that teaches the younger these good things, and thus counters the unwise and ungodly counsel that so obviously saturates this world today.

God says that we are to all bear our own burden. Galatians 5:5 For every man shall bear his own burden. Burden in the context of this verse speaks of one's duty or responsibility. Sisters, we are to bear our own burden's and not put them off on other's. This includes loving our husband and children, and, as we read in Titus 2:3 - 5, we are to be keepers at home. That is a woman's duty, and God says she is to bear it! If you don't love your husband properly, some other woman will gladly do it for you. If you don't love your children properly, the world will do it for you. If you don't keep your home properly, then expect it to be overrun by thorns and nettles, and for the walls of it to be broken down (in other words, expect it to fall to pieces).

I believe that this is why God wants the aged to teach the younger! Loving your husband and children, and keeping a home, is no easy task and we need all the teaching we can get to do it right! They have been through it all already and can offer both practical as well as Biblical advise as to what you should and should not do to be a good keeper at home. Nowadays we have the likes of the women's lib and N.O.W. training up the young women! They have tossed God's beautiful way of doing things and replaced it with their own ways! No wonder we are seeing so much destruction around us! Their way seems right but considering the destruction that has come with it, we can be rest assured that it is not.

Women's liberation has deceived us into thinking that the keeping of the home should be divided equally between the husband and wife and what we have ended up with are contentious women! Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. So many wives have become full of contention and anger because they are expecting their husbands to do something that they are not required by God's word to do!

Certainly it is not wrong for your husband to occasionally vacuum or wash the dishes, but it should not be expected of him! I thank the Lord for the godly woman who shared this bit of wisdom with me. I am now joyfully bearing my burden and am filled with contentment knowing I am doing things "by the Book"!

What the world's way is doing is causing strife and contention. How is that? Well, consider that many arguments between a husband and wife are the result of the wife constantly nagging her husband that he never does "his share" of the housework. Once again I point out that this is her burden, not his. God never commands the men to be keepers in the home, but it is the women who are to keep the home. The reason that wives have become so contentious in this area is, I believe, that the aged woman has become slack in her duty in teaching the younger to be a keeper at home and now the heart of the younger is saturated with the teachings of the world in this matter.

In every secular woman's magazine we see article after article that says that the husband and wife should share equally the housework and so many have bought into this line of thinking. But this goes directly against the word of God. Could this be what God was talking about when he said in the latter part Titus 2 5 that the word of God be not blasphemed?

Many women will say though that with both spouses working it is only fair for the husband to help out around the house. Again, women are commanded by God in His word to be the keepers at home! The world says every woman needs a career outside the home. God says that the home is the woman's career, and her first priority, her burden, is to look after the needs of her household. God help us do just that and give us aged women willing to teach it!

If a woman is to work outside the home, it should be the exception rather than the norm. When a woman works outside of her home, something must suffer and it is usually that she is no longer able to look well unto the ways of her household (Proverbs 31). Possibly at this point many women are saying, "But I have to work! We just couldn't make it without my income." This again makes me think of Proverbs 14:12 because we try to do things the way we think are right, but in the end there is only destruction. However, I believe with all my heart that if we are true and faithful to the commandments of the Lord that He will in return bless us with all we need to be able to do that! If you have realized in your heart that God really wants you at home instead of in the workforce, but you're concerned about the financial burdens you face, you need to let go of it and trust all your needs to Him. He loves you, and He loves your home, and it will prosper if you will but do things His way. This would be an excellent area for an aged woman to teach a younger one in as she must learn to budget the money her husband gives her for household needs. Imagine not only the Biblical advise the aged woman can give, but also the practical!

God help me, as I become an aged woman, to teach the younger all the good things that He commands the aged to teach. I pray that I may help make a difference in the life and home of some young wife and mother! And young woman, if you are struggling to build a godly home, I urge you to pray that the Lord would send an aged, godly woman your way who will teach you all those good things mentioned in Titus 2! There is a lot of practical knowledge that goes along with being a keeper at home and when you first get married you're pretty much ignorant about a lot of things concerning managing a home. Don't be afraid to seek out advise from a godly woman who has a godly home! It is her knowledge and understanding that can help you as you build your own home.


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Another Example: How "Not" To Build A Home
You know, aged women are not the only ones that we can look to as examples. We can look at the person who is slothful and void of understanding to know how not to build a home. Proverbs 24:32 Then I saw, and considered it well: I looked upon it, and received instruction. We can consider the ruins of the field and vineyard of the slothful well, look upon it, and get instruction from it. It screams at us, "Don't make the mistakes that I did!"

The surest way to build a poor home is to follow Proverbs 24:33 Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: 34 So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth; and thy want as an armed man. If you remain slothful and idle, don't expect too much to come of your home. Remember that God says we reap what we sow!

Consider the contrast of the two women of Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Decide today if you will be that wise or foolish woman. The woman who follows God's will for the building of a home is following Psalms 127:1! As she follows God's ways, she is in essence allowing the Lord to build her home. But so often, even though we do know what it is the God wants, in our stubborn and rebellious hearts we must try things our way, only to be faced with destruction. Don't let this happen to you and your family.


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What Does It Mean To Be A Keeper At Home?
In Strong's Concordance, keeper at (#3626) was defined as being a stayer at home; domestically inclined; a good housekeeper. It comes from the Greek word ouros that means a guard, or to be ware.

Note that tiny little word at. It plays an important part in defining a woman's role. Webster's Dictionary says that it is used as a function word. The two that best fit the phrase "keeper at home" are the following: a function word used to indicate presence or occurrence in, on, or near; used as a function word to indicate that with which one is employed or occupied. Now, if that doesn't open your eyes I don't know what will! According to God's word, a woman's presence is in the home and that she ought to be occupied by her home! If indeed she is occupied with her home, she will not have time for a career outside the home. That is our Father's will for women. Not a career outside the home for our career is our in our home, husband, and children.

Notice over in the book of 1 Timothy in chapter 5 as we read that even young widows are to remarry and continue to guide (manage) the home. This will help her to avoid becoming an idle, tattling, busybody! She is not to get a job out in the world and build a career to support herself and any children she may have. God's instructions are for her to remarry and guide her home.

Speaking of idleness, tattling, and being a busybody, let's look to God's word concerning a few characteristics of a woman truly fulfilling her role as a keeper at home.

The woman who looks well to the ways of her household is not slothful, nor does she eat the bread of idleness. How do we know that? In verse 13 of Proverbs 31 we see that she seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. How many women are working willingly with their hands in these days? The woman who wants a happy prosperous home knows that she must work hard to have it, so she works willingly! She most definitely is not slothful. Verse 27 of Proverbs 31 says that she looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Idleness means the same thing as slothfulness.

In that same chapter of Proverbs 31, the Lord shows us that this woman who so loves her home not only looks well to the ways of it and works willingly in it, but in verse 15 we see also that she riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. This means that she doesn't sleep in, but is up early making sure everybody's day gets off to a good start! I used to be terrible about fussing at my husband when he stayed in bed while I was up fixing breakfast for the children and starting my day. But now I know that that is ok, because I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing! Sometimes I catch myself wanting to get into my contentious mood because I would like to be the one in that bed while somebody else is up doing all the work! But then I think of the joy of serving my family and I'm ok with it! Doing things the Lord's way always brings joy and peace I believe.

Notice too how in verse 18 that She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night! Not only does she get up early, but she's staying up late into the night looking well unto the ways of her household. Many of you may be like me in that after all the children are in bed you do some last minute tidying of the house, or cleaning of the kitchen, or some sewing or mending, etc. That old saying certainly does fit in here: a man's day is from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done!

I believe that what the Lord is trying to tell us is that the woman who is a good keeper at home uses her time wisely by avoiding slothfulness and idleness, and willingly works long, hard days as she meets her households needs. This is a woman who is bearing her burden!

Continuing on with what a keeper is, Webster's Dictionary says this about it: one that keeps. To keep something is to preserve or maintain, watch over, take care of, tend, maintain in a good, fitting, or orderly condition. It can also mean custody or charge, to protect. How can a working wife and mother maintain a fitting home, take care of her home, or tend her home if she is gone 8 or 10 hours a day to a job outside of her home? It is hard enough when you find yourself at home 24 hours a day.

Looking back at that little word at and coupling it with keeper, is there any doubt that God wants the woman to be occupied with tending to the home? Is it as obvious to you as it is to me that God intends for the woman to watch over and take care of the needs of the home? It is up to the woman in the home to maintain order in the home! Yes, this is a laborious, exhausting, toilsome burden the Lord has given us, but rest assured that it is not without it's rewards!

Look with me to Proverbs 31, verses 28 and 31 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. . . Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. Because of all of her hard work and dedication to her home and family, this woman is called blessed by her children and her husband. In other words, her own family recognizes that she is a prosperous woman full of happiness. Notice how that both her husband and her own works praise her! That is, they boast, celebrate, rave, and commend her. Obviously the virtuous woman will be honoured by her own hard, laborious efforts. This woman has found out that being a keeper at home brings may rewards.

As we finish up this section, I want to point out one of the comments concerning the word keep in Webster's dictionary. It says that it is to not let go from one's possession or control. If we are to protect our children and our home from the threat's of the world, then we must be diligent in bearing our burden of being keepers at home. We cannot be slothful if we are to maintain control and possession of that which the Lord has given. You know that the world is just waiting to pounce on our children and drag them down with them. Satan is ready to help in the destruction of the home. Don't let this happen! Don't eat the bread of idleness, and certainly do not become slothful with the field of your home.


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Building A Home with the Proper "Materials"
God tells us that a home, that is a family or home life, built by the Lord takes two things: wisdom and understanding. Proverbs 24:3 Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: In the very next verse we see what can happen when you have knowledge. Proverbs 24:4 And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

To build something is to set it up, and wisdom is the right use of knowledge. Therefore, before you can begin to build a home with wisdom, you must have the knowledge of how to do that. It becomes wisdom as you rightly apply the knowledge you have attained. And where can we find that knowledge? As discussed earlier, it comes either through God's word or through the aged women. Now, of course, there are the practical every day things like cooking, cleaning, and so on that are not specifically in God's word and that is where the aged women can really be a blessing. Then there are things like a woman's proper adorning that any woman can find by reading the Bible herself, but again an aged woman could teach her by example or through one-on-one discipling from God's word.

What exactly is knowledge anyway? Well, Strong's concordance says that it means to know or be aware. Webster's dictionary gives a more detail account of it: The range of one's information or understanding; the fact or condition of having information or of being learned; the sum of what is known.

I wonder how often we have knowledge, but do not use it rightly? We have been taught, we know a lot about what God wants, but what do we do with it?

As an example, I know that I should have a meek and quiet spirit. I also know, through studying, what a meek and quiet spirit is. But do I always have a meek and quiet spirit? No, I do not. It is during these times that my wisdom is lacking. We must take what we know from God's word and have learned from the aged women and build our homes by rightly using that knowledge.

Now, to establish is to bring something about, also to make firm or stable. Do you want a more stable home life? Then you can accomplish it through understanding of concepts, which is to say discernment, or the power to comprehend (to grasp the meaning of mentally, or to embrace). For example, in Proverbs 31 we see a woman who is bearing her burden of being a keeper at home. How many countless women have read that passage over and over in an attempt to be a Proverbs 31 woman? However, they just never fully understand the passage, and so they never achieve that dream. Certainly it is not impossible to reach that goal, but it will take knowledge and understanding through much prayer and study before it can be applied to their lives. Also, sometimes when reading God's word, we have thoughts like "Now, that's really great! I'd like to be like that." But then that's as far as it goes. That would be an instance where we would have to embrace (to take up gladly or readily) a certain principal or teaching in God's word.

What I have noticed is that wisdom, knowledge, and understanding all seem to go hand in hand! In fact, the definitions of some of the words overlap. Notice that understanding is the power to grasp the meaning of something mentally and knowledge is the range (limit or amount) of one's understanding, while wisdom is the right use of knowledge.

Understanding and knowledge is not of much use if you do not use them! In other words, wisdom is understanding and knowledge in action. I believe that we could safely say that the slothful woman is too lazy to put her understanding and knowledge to work.

God promises that the chambers of your home can be filed with precious and pleasant riches but only by knowledge! It seems that the effort necessary to gain wisdom, knowledge, and understanding is certainly worth every thing you put into it. What could be more precious and pleasant than a successful and peaceful home?


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Understanding God's Purpose In Creating Woman
If you want to be a better wife, I believe that it can be accomplished by understanding why God created woman in the first place.

Sisters, do you know that God has placed us in a very special position within the marriage? We have been put in a supporting role! Now, how do we know that? In Genesis 2:18 we read And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. What exactly is a helpmeet? To hear some women, and even men, tell it, you would think that it means being a slave. To clear that matter up, let's look at our concordance and dictionary once more.

In Strong's, help meet is defined with both words meaning the same. Help and meet mean aid. Pretty simple I would say but let's take it a bit further. To aid someone is to assist or give support according to the Webster's dictionary. If you support someone then you promote the interests or cause of; assist, help, maintain, or keep it going. It also means to keep from fainting, yielding, or loosing courage (in other words, to encourage), to comfort.

Maintain is really interesting as it suggests preserving from failure or decline; to support or provide for, sustain. To sustain is to give support or relief to; to supply with sustenance; nourish. When we think of sustenance, what comes to mind first of all is food but it is defined also as being something that gives support, endurance, or strength and supplying the necessities of life.

A wife is so many things to her husband and one should not sell herself short when it comes to the position she occupies in her husbands life. God has placed her there and once the importance of being a helpmeet is realized, her attitude towards her husband and what she means to him will take on a new and greater meaning.

A man is given great responsibilities from the Lord and the Lord has placed you in the position of supporting him, supplying him with what is necessary for him to carry out his duties, promoting his interests (his home and children and so forth), giving him relief of the needs of running the home by cooking, cleaning, laundry, and maintaining the home. I truly believe that quite often a man's success is determined by the support he receives at home.

Sometimes if a man does not get what he needs at home he will find it somewhere else. The opposite of a wise person is the foolish and it is truly foolish when a wife neglects her husband, his needs, and his home. I am not saying that a man is ever justified in having his needs met outside of his marriage, but all wives everywhere desperately need to know that there are women out there that would just at the chance to fill in for them!

Do you think that when men end up in adulterous relationships that it is just to satisfy the flesh? While that may be a small part of it, it is not the whole of it. What they are looking for is love, companionship, encouragement, somebody who cares. If you don't meet these needs at home sister, then it may not be long before he finds someone who will. Remember that God said it was not good that man should be alone! A lonely man will go in search of someone to keep him from being lonely. Sometimes men will purposely seek someone out, but sometimes it happens quite by accident. Don't ever foolishly think that your husband would not get involved with someone else. Even a good man can stumble.

Therefore I encourage you to read over the definitions of a helpmeet over and over again until they are embedded in your heart and mind. How can you better fulfill the role God has placed you in as your husbands helpmeet and supporter?


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Watch That Attitude!
It is a wise woman who will do all things without murmurings and disputings: (Phil. 2:14). If she is constantly grumbling and complaining about the role God has placed her in, then obviously she is not willing to work hard for a good, godly home. There is probably a little rebellion against God's ways somewhere in her heart or possibly she is still ignorant of what it is that God wants her to be or of how God wants her to adorn her spirit. That is what I would like to address at this point. It is so important for us to have a right spirit about all that we do. Let's look to a few verses to see why.

I Corinthians 9:7 Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver. Now, isn't our time something that we can give? If it truly is, then God wants us to give of our time with a good spirit. He does not want us to give out of resentment or that out of a feel that it is "required" of us. It is entirely possible for one to give, but to do it with an unwilling spirit and out of a spirit of "I'm gonna do this, but not because I really want to, but I know it's what God says I "have" to do".

Looking back to Proverbs 31:13, we are reminded that the virtuous woman gives of herself willingly. Here is an example of a woman who is a cheerful giver. She knows what God desires for her, she knows her responsibility according to God's word, and she follows His will with the proper attitude! A cheerful attitude can make a big difference between a relaxed, enjoyable home and a home that with no peace within it's confines.

God also tell us in I Corinthians 10:31 that whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. How in the world can we glorify God in what we are doing if we are constantly murmuring and complaining? No matter what you are doing, weather it be laundry, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, or fixing the 500th cup of drink for your children, you are still a light to the world and your attitude can hinder others from trusting God. Somebody who is lost might begin to wonder if being a Christian is any different than the life they lead now.

In Philippians 4:11 Paul stated that not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Murmuring and complaining are clearly an indication that one is not content with the state she is in. Usually at the time of murmuring, it's because she had much rather be off doing something else and complaining is a reflection of what is in her heart. She might be submitting to her husband, or she might be cooking and cleaning for her husband, or whatever, but clearly her motive and her attitude will shine through. Even if nobody else can look inside and see what's going on in her heart, God can surely see!


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The Influence of a Woman
I Peter 3:1 & 2 offers an excellent example of the influence a woman can have on her husband. 1: Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2: While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3: Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel.

Over and over in the Bible we see that wives are to be in subjection (under the authority of) their husbands. Note the reason the Lord gives for this in the above reference. "that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (conduct) of the wives;". Imagine how many lost husbands have been influenced by a wives conduct either to receive Christ or further reject Him.

I also believe that this passage could probably apply to a husband who is saved, but is not "obeying the word" in his daily walk with the Lord. If a husband is living in disobedience, then his wife can urge him back to the Lord through her "chaste conversation coupled with fear".

To be a good influence on him, her conduct must be clean, pure, modest, innocent, perfect (mature). Are there things in your life that hinder your conversation from being chaste? If you want your husband to come to the Lord, or even just to change some of his ways, consider the part you play!

The other way a woman can have an affect on her husband is through her fear, that is her respect or reverence, for his position as the head of their home. Regardless of his spiritual status he is still the authority in the home. Think of how she might persuade him through her devotion to him, her adoring of him, her honouring of him, and her deference towards him.

Let's look at each of these actions individually for a moment. Remember that all of these descriptions derive from the word fear! They all can apply in context of a wife's fear, respect, reverence for her husband.

What better word could be used to describe a wife's attitude to her husband than devoted? Webster's says that it is to give up wholly or purposefully; to center the attention or activities of oneself (on someone/something else). Isn't this exactly what God desires from you dear sister? Make your husband the center of attention around the home! Lift him up! Give yourself wholly to being his wife.

Deference goes along this same thought as it is to submit or yield to another's wishes. An interesting twist on this is that it also means ingratiating regard for the wishes of another. What's interesting is that ingratiating means something done with the intention to gain favor! Now, looking back over I Peter 3:1, 2, isn't that what you're doing when you let your husband see your chaste conversation and fear? You are trying to gain his favor and trying to get him to see his need of Jesus.

When a wife honour's her husband, what she is literally doing is recognizing his position in the home as the head and final authority. This can be done by supporting his decisions for the home and family even if she disagrees with him. Honour also is indicated as esteeming someone. That means to set a high value on! She let's him know often that he is priceless to her and nothing can take his place in her life or home. She let's him know that she values him. This leads to adoring her husband. In other words she regards him with reverent admiration and devotion. Let him know you admire him!

God says in Ephesians 5 that marriage is a picture of Christ and His Bride. The husband, like Christ, is the head of his bride. He is to love his wife and give his life for her. She in turn is to reverence him and submit to him. A wife should respond to her husband the way the Church responds to Christ. However, according to I Peter 3, even if he is not fulfilling his role, a wife must do her part, with the intention of effectively persuading him!


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What's In The Heart Will Come Out!
God wants you to respect your husband due to the position in the home He put him in. Honour him as your head (I Corinthians 11:3). You make his job easier by being agreeable and willingly putting yourself under him as your authority. The word submit implies placing one's self under. . . that is, a husband isn't to force you to submit but you, as the wife, are to willingly obey. YOU must be the one to decide that you will allow yourself to be under subjection to your husband and put that decision into action.

Let me just interject here something very important. A woman can be, outwardly, submissive but, inwardly, her heart is not in it. Matthew 15:18 "But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. 19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: 20 These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man." She is acting like a Pharisee.

As we discussed earlier, what is in the heart is usually makes itself known outwardly, and the woman who submits for show but has a nasty attitude about it inside will generally murmur about it. One of our verses was Philippians 2:14 "Do all things without murmurings and disputings:" If her heart is in the right place, it will show, just as it will eventually show if it's not. If she is going to submit to him as the authority in her home, then it must go deeper than just outward appearances.

What was the deal with the Pharisees? They were consistently making themselves clean outwardly while leaving the inside filthy. Even Christians can sometimes act like those Pharisees. Jesus compared them to a cup and saucer whose outside has been washed, but whose inside has been neglected. Outward obedience without pure motives inwardly is hypocritical on our part.

Thus we are left with the need for a proper adorning! How can a woman be in subjection and submit herself with the griping and mumbling? She must properly adorn herself! That is what we will discuss next.


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Adorning The Spirit
I Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2: While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3: Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4: But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

I Timothy 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 10: But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.

So many women set out to adorn, that is to beautify and put themselves in order, from the outside. To understand what adorn means will ultimately help you comprehend I Peter 3 and I Timothy 2 and apply them in your life.

Strong's Concordance gives two meanings for adorn (I Timothy 2:9). First it says it means "to put in proper order, as in decorate". It also is to "garnish or trim". Adorning (I Peter 3:1 - 3) is "orderly arrangement". An interesting note about adorning is that it is derived from a base word that means "to tend, take care of".

Webster's Dictionary tells us that adorn is to decorate with ornaments; beautify. A side note says that adorn implies an enhancing by something beautiful in itself. In I Peter 3, God describes the meek and quite spirit as an ornament! An ornament is something that adds grace and beauty. Could it be that the Lord is telling us that we are to add grace and beauty through a meek and quiet spirit, and not through the fixing of the hair or wearing of gold Read over those verses again, only try substituting in place of adorn/adorning the definitions of those words. What do you see?

God wants women to dress in modest clothing. Modesty is disliking praise or publicity; avoiding self-exposure; not outstanding. Why do you think He wants us to avoid costly apparel, pearls, and broidered hair? Because these things bring praise, self-exposure, and publicity. You see, the Lord also wants you and I to tend to ourselves with shamefacedness. That is to say to be bashful, or shrink from public attention.

Women are to be modest not only in their clothing, but in their spirit. Meek is describe as mild and humble according to Strong's. Webster's says it is not violent or strong, moderate. I believe that modesty deals greatly with avoiding excess in one's life! Be it in our dress or in our actions, God wants a woman to avoid going to the extreme as it draws unwanted attention to herself. In fact, moderate is to avoid extremes in either behavior or expression.

Look with me if you will to the woman who does not possess a meek and quiet spirit. Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. I hear so many women, when they have lost their temper with people or have just spouted off their mouth without thinking about it first, say, "Well, you know me! That's just how I am!"

Well, dear sister, let me tell you now that you do not have to be like that! In fact, God says you are to possess sobriety! This means you are to have self-control. You can control your actions and God says that you are to avoid extremes in your behavior or expression. You sin when you do not control yourself.

Now, I believe that this is the area most women struggle with the most. God made us emotional beings and it is hard for us to control our emotions sometimes. How often do we end up in tears or snapping somebody's head off? This in turn leads to bringing unnecessary attention, especially in a public setting. Certainly the angry, brawling, contentious woman draws the attention to herself and often ends up embarrassing her husband, family, friends, and others around her. While she may not being exhibiting shamefacedness, she will bring shame to herself and will have to hide her face!

Note an interesting remark in Webster's dictionary about meek. It says that meekness is enduring injury with patience and without resentment. I wonder how often we react to injury from those around us like we are supposed to. This injury is not only physical, but also emotional. So often we react to hurt by not controlling our behavior and actions. This is not what God wants for you sister. You can and should control how you respond to people. Especially your husband!

Notice how that a woman is also to be quiet. A quiet woman is marked by gentleness, and she is easy going and calm. When we loose our cool with folks, are we being gentle, easy going, and calm? I know that this is an area I lack in and wish I met each day's trial's with a quiet spirit. Mostly it is in how I respond to the pressures of being the mother to 5 children, but also the way in which I respond to my husband. Sometimes I will snap at him when he has done nothing wrong just because I am tired. But I must remember that a woman can bring calmness through a spirit that is properly adorned.

What it all boils down to is that the woman who has properly tended to herself on the inside, that is her spirit, will show the fruit of it on the outside. She will be kind; amiable; not harsh or stern or violent; mild; soft; delicate. Her behavior will be gentle in nature. She will exhibit moderation in her behavior and expression and dress to avoid drawing unwanted attention to herself. This indicates that she is not proud, haughty, arrogant, or assertive.

The meek, quiet woman does not promote or exaggerate her own worth. Instead, what she does is offer herself to her husband and children in a spirit of deference or submission. To do this, she must she must lay aside her own desire's in order to meet those of her family. Maybe this is one of the most important virtues as God has placed the woman in the position of carrying for the ways of her household and being a helpmeet to her husband.

As we move on to our final point, let me just interject here again that our loving heavenly Father said that whatever we do, we are to do it to His glory. I Corinthians 10:31 "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." If you live in such a way that brings a great deal of attention to yourself and not God, then that is sin. Not all attention that is drawn to yourself is necessarily sinful however. If it's the kind of attention that glorifies God and brings attention to Him, then it's ok. The point of the whole meek and quiet spirit message is that our conversation (conduct) can bring others, or even restore their fellowship, to the Lord if it is done properly. We are to be a light to the world and an example to other believers. Do not dishonour God through an uncontrolled spirit and excessive behavior and expression. That is no way to influence anyone.


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A Price Far Above Rubies
God says in I Peter 3 that a meek and quiet spirit is in the sight of God of great price. Now, this made me think about the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 and how that her price is far above rubies. I was always intrigued by that because I didn't understand why the Lord would say that. Recently I found the answer while taking notes to write this study.

If you recall from earlier in this study how that we discussed what it takes to make a successful home. That is knowledge, understanding, and wisdom. As I was searching out the scriptures for further verses on wisdom, I came to the following. Proverbs 3:13 Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding. 14: For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. 15: She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her. Now, you can just imagine my reaction as the word of God from Proverbs 31:10 that had been hidden in my heart was recalled when I read she is more precious that rubies.

Finally!! I had found the answer to the question burning in my heart! The virtuous woman, the woman whose price was far above that of beautiful jewels, is the woman who has found wisdom and understanding! Let me see if I can explain this a little further.

If you have ever read through the book of Proverbs, then you will know that God places great value on wisdom and understanding. Not only in Proverbs, but in the book of Job also.

Read Job 28 with me, starting at verse 12: But where shall wisdom be found? and where is the place of understanding? 13: Man knoweth not the price thereof; neither is it found in the land of the living. 14: The depth saith, It is not in me: and the sea saith, It is not with me. 15: It cannot be gotten for gold, neither shall silver be weighed for the price thereof. 16: It cannot be valued with the gold of Ophir, with the precious onyx, or the sapphire. 17: The gold and the crystal cannot equal it: and the exchange of it shall not be for jewels of fine gold. 18: No mention shall be made of coral, or of pearls: for the price of wisdom is above rubies. 19: The topaz of Ethiopia shall not equal it, neither shall it be valued with pure gold.

In verse 13 we read that man does not know how great the value of wisdom is. Verse 15 says that it cannot be purchased. Beginning in verse 16 and continuing to 19 we see that not even the most precious, expensive jewels can be compared to the price of wisdom and understanding. Nothing equals it's value.

Job 28:28 And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding. Earlier we talked of how the virtuous woman fears the Lord and all that fear encompasses. Proverbs 9:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding. You must first learn to fear the Lord before you can even have wisdom. The woman who possesses wisdom first learned to fear the Lord. That is to say as she began to reverence, honour, respect, and adore God, she gained wisdom.

The virtuous woman's great price comes not from jewels or costly array she may wear, or in her fancy hair-do. In fact, her clothes may be second from the Salvation Army store but that should not detract from her value. Her worth is so great because of the value of what she possesses. Wisdom and knowledge from the Lord, being of greater price than even rubies, make the virtuous woman priceless. It's not in anything material that she may possess, but rather what she knows, how she uses what she knows, and where that knowledge came from!

Dear sister in Christ Jesus, I pray that you too will seek the great wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of God. Refer often to the Lord to guide you on your way in this life. One last verse to tie it all up says my son, eat thou honey, because it is good; and the honeycomb, which is sweet to thy taste: So shall the knowledge of wisdom be unto thy soul: when thou hast found it, then there shall be a reward, and thy expectation shall not be cut off (Proverbs 24:13, 14). Once you have gained wisdom from the Lord, you can expect great rewards to follow. Verse 4 of the same chapter says and by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. Don't be surprised if you find yourself in the midst of a happier home and marriage for that is what God has promised will happen!


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For Further Study:
Verses and passages that pertain to women or deal with wisdom:
Proverbs 12:4
Proverbs 19:14
Proverbs 20:15
Proverbs 23:12
Proverbs 22:17, 18
Proverbs 15:7
Proverbs 14:18
Proverbs 9:13
Proverbs 11:16
Proverbs 16:22
Proverbs 12:4
Proverbs 21:9, 19
Proverbs 25:24
Proverbs 27:15
Proverbs 31
Psalms 119:10 3, 104, 143
Psalms 143:10
Psalms 86:11
Psalms 25:4
Titus 2
I Timothy 2
I Peter 3
I Corinthians 11
Colossians 3:18, 19
I Timothy 5:9 - 15
II Timothy 3:1 - 6
James 3:7 - 10
Ephesians 5 (deals with daily living as well as marriage)
Hebrews 13:5

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A partial list of words in the Bible used in conjunction with women:
Strive to be like these women
Sober
Discreet
Chaste
Keepers
Modest
Becometh
Godliness
Strength
Honour
Subjection
Usurp
Helpmeet
Weaker
Vessel
Adorn/adorning
Virtuous
Submit
Reverence
Praise
Blessed
Feareth
Guide (the house)
Bear (children)
Prudent
Avoid being like these women
Blasphemed
Brawling
Contentious
Angry
Odious
Simple
The End